12.50....

12.50 am now, I just slept about 4 hours last night, and awake until now..... It's about 20 hours that I din't lay on my bed and take a really good rest. Out of sudden, I have so many stuff to express. I am feeling headache and my brain gonna explore soon, but still I am here to write just because I couldn't forget how the drama inspired me.

I knew, tomorrow would be my very first day to college, I should be get myself ready and adjust my routine again, but, there's something really important for me to settle down now. Many years ago, I think it would be the time that I started to have my own ability to judge on something, I always thought that I knew and understand myself very well and I always thought that I can handle everything perfectly but I realized something after I watched the drama, it inspired me so much, I don't even think that every words that exist in the world could explain my feeling now.

I need a chance, just one more chance for myself to redo my life's story. My life is not under my control, a lot of unexpected stuff entered into my life. It really mess up, the story shouldn't goes like this. I alway want everything to be perfect, including my life, but when I personally thought that it going smooth and perfect, actually it's not. It's worse.....especially my love stories and my upbringing.

Nobody is perfect, but I wish I could be the one who closer to "perfect". So, I changed my entire plan and I had made a new decision for my life. It's time to change and made better improvement.

That's all for tonight. Sweet dream everyone.

Broken Heart

Sometimes I really feel like I am so lost and I got no confident at all. I lack of confident about all the things that I do, all the people I loves and everything that related to me. I got no idea why, I just don't feel the same way that other girls do, they alway think that everything they had are inevitable, but I really don't, I can't afford losing the one I really love, so I choose to hide, choose to give up earlier so that they won't get hurt at the future.

But my thought was totally wrong, still, they get hurt and depress on me. I can't explain why I did this to them, I always feel that all the things that belong to me right now is actually not belong to me, I'm not deserve all these thingy. And, my mind will tell me that they could deserve a better one. I know I am definitely ridiculous but I just couldn't control my mind stop thinking about this. Where's my confident goes? Sigh

Something happened last night, I din't mean to hurt him for telling him all the ridiculous stuff but I feel that I am not good enough for him, he could deserve a better one. I really felt guilty and things getting worse after I told him, broken his heart and hurting him. Gosh! What I am thinking and doing? Why am I keep thinking about the negative of myself? I am not tender, not caring, not smart, not pretty, bad attitude, shit personality. All these negative thought split into my mind and I will think that why they love me? I know nobody is perfect but too bad, I am the worst one.

Confident Confident Confident, where you've been? Why am I keep hurting the one I love without any reason? Ishh, my friends alway tell me, "do not think the negative way, there must be a reason why they love you, trust yourself and be confident" awwwwww.... I really hope I could stop thinking too much and stop hurting the one I love.

Ps: Dear, I apologize for last night, I <3 you and I always do ^^

Fight with time!

Morning everyone. No more time for me to waste, It must goes rapidly. Okay now, here's my plan:

12p.m- 3p.m: study
3pm-5p.m: take a nap
5p.m to 6p.m: study
6p.m-7p.m: dinner
7p.m-9p.m: study
9pm-9.30p.m: watch tv
9.30pm: sleep

Kathrine GO GO GO~!! <3
PS: I miss my dear...<3